When America left England, it decided to change a lot of stupid things. For example, an elevator is a “lift.” When I learned this, I was making fun of it in my head, like, “Lift means up, and elevators can go down too, haha stupid Brits,” before coming to the sad realization that “elevator” means “something that elevates” and “elevates” means “up” too.

oh.

Also: Quite

In England, “quite” means “slightly” or “sort of,” while in America, “quite” means “totally” or “very.” After learning this fact, I noticed that British people seemed way less enthusiastic about everything I’d heard them say. “Quite pretty” doesn’t even seem like much of a compliment anymore. I feel like America tried way too hard to be rebellious. Imagine:

England: What, what are you doing?

America: Leaving.

England: I know that. But, the words?

America: Don’t question me, mother. I’m getting rid of you, and everything you say is wrong.

England: Like what?

America: The word color. It annoys me.

England: What’s wrong with colour?

America: I’m taking out most of the U’s in the English language. Get it? I’m taking “u” out! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

*This message is Dad approved for making wholesome jokes that aren’t funny at all*